earlier, than you’ll ever know

So what if i said I want to give up, but what if i told you I can”t, more-so, in all this confusion, I don’t want to, even tho I said I want to, I really don’t, it is like the outside is masking the inside, this worry takes a hold of me, while my heart sits inside me and tries to break down the shell that the worry is forming.

There is so much going on lately, Usually I can just breeze through life, and kinda float on by with a little bit of thought and prayer, but lately even tho I still pray, and float on by, its like these things i pass by are attack me from behind now. Almost as if God isn’t hearing me. But I know he is In my heart, Just, Maybe I need to listen harder..  Turn down the music, and screams and just listen to the wind for his voice, the whispers he sends to us through everyday life, but we refuse to receive.. I think it is that time a year ago, when I need to just go somewhere private and meditate for a few days, somewhere, where the beauty of the world, no, of God’s creation shines through, and let this beauty slap me across the face. Be inspired once more, be faithful once more, truly Know in my heart that God is there, that I am Living my life for him. It is time for me to spread love, and stay spreading love, to show others the loce God shows to me, to continue training myself to live for God. I need to keep on working hard at this.

Another things lately is my Girlfriend, the Girl is amazing, and She makes me heart smile. Thinking about her makes me calm and happy, the girl herself is absolutely beautiful, she is everything I could ever ask for in a girl. But sometimes I wonder whether or not I deserve someone as good as her. But it is times like this that I feel like that, that I realize She is the girl who I Love, Not just as a friend, but this girl HOLDS my heart, I am deeply in love with her, but that makes separation all the harder, no, I don’t mean separated relationship wise, but distance wise, see sooner than I would like, she is heading off to college, and well there is going to be a pretty lengthy distance between where I’ll be and where she’ll be. And well I know this is going to be a Big test of our love, but I Know deep down inside me we are going to take this test and get a 100% on it, but the fact we still have to go through it worries me, not because I doubt us, but because I doubt that this length between us is going to affect us negatively, No I don’t HOPE for negative effects on us, Just it scares me how we are perfect together, Because if something happens to me or her, Then after this how are we going to find someone who measures up to each other. We long for each other sitting at our houses, how much are we going to long for each other when some bigger distances are involved… HAHA The most useless thing i’m worrying about I know, But with all that distance between us, I know it is going to help us grow to love each other even more. well So, I guess it isn’t so much doubt and worry anymore, it is more that I have found the perfect girl for me, and now I can’t get enough of her. And She can’t get enough of me….

So let’s say for a moment Marriage is something that would soon be a probable possibility, then what? We get married, after being engaged for a while, we have our fights and arguments, but the end result of them all? We work things out, and become even more close.  Almost everything in front of us seems to just help us grow closer and stronger together, Now just one last obstacle, God, Now i do not see God as a roadblock, at least anymore, as my G.F. has become a Christian, and she is working strong at it, not as strong as she could be, but how often do we see new Christians working as hard as they can? Most long time Christians don’t even work as hard as they could be toward it, although, obviously we should be, but so Now as she is a Christian and doing it for the betterment of herself and faith and spirit, there is no more un-passable roadblocks in front of us, we may run into something now and then, but if we work together we can clear the road and walk on through, and why do i say that there is no more un-passable roadblocks? Because now we both have found and follow God, God may choose a harder path than someone else, but He is the GREAT almighty God, He can achieve anything, and through him we as a Christian Couple can too, We have God as our friend, our father, our savior!…

So All In All, My worries arn’t really worries, just insecurities I shouldn’t even have to worry about, just little stumps in the road put there by God in order to show me he is still here with me.